I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
