What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
