i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I will pee on everything he values.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
