apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
