i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
