You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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