Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm sobbing to NWA
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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