I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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