Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I deserve this hangover.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
