I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
