you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
