first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
