You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
