I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
