Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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