Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
