I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
