Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The power of my boobs compel you
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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