His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
