how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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