the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
