happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
