do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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