when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
