This is not my ceiling
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
