i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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