i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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