i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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