Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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