Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
