He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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