Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
