the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
