did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize