so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize