My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
