i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I deserve this hangover.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
