"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
