I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
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I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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