I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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