So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
