I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
