Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
