Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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