I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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