I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
