Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
