Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
