No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
