Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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