8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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