I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
