can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize