My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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