I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
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