I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
