Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
