Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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