he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
