Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
