In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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