No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just found a bag of teeth...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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