I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
