she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
