Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
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How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
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But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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