i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
