What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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