He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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