I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
