Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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